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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25154827">Epiphany, Or, "I'm sorry I'm an ass."</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soap_Lady/pseuds/Soap_Lady'>Soap_Lady</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Development, Chat Noir is an ass, Gen, heel realization</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:55:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25154827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soap_Lady/pseuds/Soap_Lady</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Adrien is worried because his good friend Marinette seems pretty down lately. So Chat Noir drops in to cheer her up. Instead he has a realization about his own behavior.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>304</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Epiphany, Or, "I'm sorry I'm an ass."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh, wow. My brain wouldn’t shut up until I wrote this. So I wrote this and now I might take a shower and to bed. It was supposed to be a quick drabble but you know how that goes.</p>
<p>If you’ve read some salt fics you know there’s some where Chat loses his ring for being a bad partner for not realizing his boundaries or blowing off his partner during battle. Or basically being a jealous git. So I thought...what if he had a heel realization instead?</p>
<p>As usual, no beta, no plan, no knowledge of what I’m doing.</p>
<p>This roughly takes place after “Miracle Queen.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <strong>                                                                                                        Epiphany, Or, “I’m sorry I’m an ass.”</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir soared over rooftops and marveled over his city. He was usually so busy either chasing akuma or his la...Ladybug he never took the time to just look anymore.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He was feeling pretty good. Sure, his schedule was impossible and his father overbearing and absent but Lila’s hold over the class was dropping off, his relationship with Kagami was progressing at a pace both of them were comfortable with and Marinette…</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Marinette. His friend</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She had been downcast and out of sorts in the weeks after Chloe sold out Paris to Hawk Moth. No one but he and his...partner remembered it but he made sure to freeze the blonde out if she so much as looked in his direction. His childhood friend had turned her back on her hero because the spotted heroine had valued her <em>life</em> and that of her family over Chloe’s need to feel special.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette pretended like Chloe didn’t exist. Actually she pretended like he didn’t exist some of the time. She’d smile and chat if he spoke with her first but didn’t seek him out and kept her responses brief.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Something was clearly wrong.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He thought everything should be all right with her. She was spending a lot of time on the <em>Liberty</em> with the Couffaines, a clear indication her relationship with Luka was going well. Jagged Stone commissioned her to make tour jackets and even gave her name to Clara Nightingale. She was looking for someone to design a gown for a gala in America. By anyone’s standards, Marinette was having a very good life.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>So why did she look so sad and wistful when she thought no one was looking?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She wasn’t going to confide in Adrien Agreste, but maybe she’d talk to Chat Noir? It had worked once, when they were both feeling depressed and lovelorn. It couldn’t hurt to ask.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>                                                                                                                                                 *****</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He found her at her rooftop garden. The potted flowers and herbs made the air around her smell like lavender and roses. He breathed deep; her home always seemed so warm and welcoming and smelled like...family. The hero found himself wishing he could just move in and be adopted.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“<em>Hello, purrincess</em>!” Chat Noir alighted lightly on her balcony and gave her a courtly bow. He smiled, but she didn’t return it. Her eyes looked tired; she hadn’t been crying, but it was a very near miss.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hello, Chat Noir,” she greeted him and went back to staring at the city.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Nice night.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He waited until the silence stretched uncomfortably long and said, “So...I’m sorry to bring this up, but you seem kinda down lately.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looked at him, eyes curious, and he shrugged. “I swing by your place a lot when I’m on patrol.<em> That didn’t sound creepy at all!</em> You know...make sure no one is planning on breaking in or robbing you.” He tried to look charming but probably only managed constipated. “Can’t let anything happen to the best bakery in Paris.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh. You’re worried about your croissants.” She didn’t sound angry or irritated, just resigned.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And I’m worried about my friend and favorite civilian, <em>purrincess</em>!” He tried to assure her. Charm and jokes weren’t working so he dropped the act. “I hate to see you sad. You helped me when I needed to talk to someone. I want to help you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looked up at him then and his gut clenched. Her splendid bluebell eyes looked so...sad and alone. “This is...going to sound weird but…” she turned to him, arms outstretched, “could I have a hug?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Anytime!” Chat Noir<em> loved</em> hugs. Adrien missed his mom’s hugs. They were perfect; warm and tight and smelled like orchids. Marinette gave great hugs too; sweet and calming and smelled like cinnamon and vanilla. Hugging her made him so happy he wondered if he were touch deprived.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself. He wanted to offer a return hug but had a feeling she had something to say.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I had my heartbroken. Again.” She gave him a smile but it was small and sad. “The funny thing is, it was the same guy who broke it last time, when Glaciator attacked. But this time,” she sighed, “this time I broke it <em>for</em> him.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir shook his head. “I’m confused.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She snorted. “I know. It doesn’t make any sense to me either. You see,” she sat down on the pink deck chair and pointed to the ledge beside it. He sat down and prepared to listen. “I’d liked this guy for a long time, almost a year. He’s kind, cute, and smart too but...flawed, you know? I mean, he can’t stand up for himself or anyone else but he’s basically decent. We’re friends.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir didn’t understand any better but nodded like he understood so she’d continue. He tried to think of anyone in their class he thought could be her type. Maybe a regular customer at the bakery? Luka?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I liked him, but couldn’t tell him. He just seemed...out of my league. And then,” she took a shuddering breath. “I found out he was in love with another girl.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He winced in sympathy. “Ouch.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She drew her legs up and rested her head on her knees. “Oh, it gets better. The girl he’s in love with? She’s also a friend of mine.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Double ouch.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You said it.” She closed her eyes and continued. “They’re...so cute together, Chat. They have a lot in common, they have fun together...they just…” she sighed again, “look so perfect. So happy to have each other. So I...tried to do the mature ‘good friend’ think and walked away. I’m happy for them.” She opened her eyes and he hated to see the tears welling there. “Or at least...I’m trying to be.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir rubbed the back of his neck. He hated seeing her in pain and would give anything to take it away from her. Should he try and hug her? Make a joke? No, that would make her think he was laughing at her pain.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m sorry,” he managed. “You’re an amazing person, Marinette.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She scoffed. “Not amazing enough, apparently.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Forget that guy. He’s flawed anyway. There’s a guy out there for you. Someone who sees how wonderful you are and he’ll be the luckiest guy on Earth.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette laughed at him and said teasingly, “<em>Oh</em>, no, Cat Boy.” She waggled a teasing finger at him. “You had <em>your</em> chance. And you blew it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He sighed dramatically. “Alas, I am but a fool and unworthy of the heart of such a clever and talented princess.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes. Yes you are,” she giggled and agreed. Her smile melted off her face and she cringed at him. “I’m so, so sorry I got so upset when you turned me down. You were very kind and I overreacted,” she twiddled her thumbs and looked ashamed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And once you calmed down and thought about it you forgave me and said Ladybug was lucky to have me. And then we became friends,” he reminded her. He chuckled and said, “to be honest, <em>purrincess</em>, you handle rejection with a lot more grace than I...do…Oh, God!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir trailed off and Marinette stared at him. His eyes widened, pupils becoming pinpricks as he remembered all the times Ladybug rejected him, corrected him, and he’d overreacted far worse than Marinette ever could.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>We’re a team, not a couple!</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>We’re meant for each other, milady. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Sorry, Ladybug, it’s not cool to play with people’s feelings.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>My feline instincts prefer to observe before I attack. You go your way, I’ll go mine.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>We don’t have to do everything together. It’s not like we’re a couple.</em> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She was usually so kind and patient. Much more considerate of his feelings than he’d ever been of hers.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I don’t wanna play around with your feelings. It would be the same as lying to you. I don’t wanna do that. You’re more than a partner, Chat Noir. You’re my friend. And I’d never wanna lie to a friend.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She’d tried repeatedly to be kind to him, to let him down gently. He’d responded by throwing tantrums and trying to kiss her when she’d already said no.  He remembered all the times Chloe and Lila touched him or tried to kiss him when he didn’t want them to and felt disgusted. He hated when people felt entitled to his attention but he’d treated his partner like that. The girl he supposedly loved. <em>Her</em> feelings had been less important than <em>his</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Um...Chat Noir?” Marinette tried to get his attention. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He got angry when she didn’t want to talk or hang out after a battle or just patrol. He focused on his hurt feelings and never on hers.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Chat? Chat!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette sounded alarmed and he tried to concentrate on her. Her eyes were wide and worried. “You’re hyperventilating.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why-why did I never realize this sooner?” he managed at last.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She looked confused. “What do you mean?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He leaned closer to her. “All the times I declared my love to my la-Ladybug and all the times she turned me down? I never even thought about how it made her feel! I was only thinking of myself and what I wanted!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to find his partner and grovel until she forgave him. He wanted...he wanted…</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Small but gentle hands touched his face. Sincere bluebell eyes looked into his own. “Chat Noir? Breathe.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Just...breathe…” her smile was so kind and he didn’t deserve it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He took several deep breaths and relaxed. “Marinette?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m an ass.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She didn’t argue with him. “Listen. When you turned me down because you’re in love with Ladybug, how did that make you feel?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I…” he struggled to find the right words. “I felt awful because I was hurting this great girl. I kept wishing I could say something to make it easier on you but you deserve the truth.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She nodded. “And I’ll bet you anything Ladybug felt the same way any time she had to turn you down.” She took one of his hands in hers. “That’s called empathy. The ability to understand the emotions of someone else. And remember...she went through what you went through repeatedly.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Because I was too stupid and entitled to listen to her.” He was angry at himself.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette shrugged. “I didn’t say that.” She ruffled his hair. “She can’t control who she loves, any more than you can. No one can, otherwise this love stuff would be easy.” She smiled at his understanding. She took her hands away from him. “All we can control is how we react to being rejected, or finding out the person we care for loves someone else.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He nodded. “I think I get that now.” He stood up and then suddenly sat back down. “Dammit!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She shushed him. “What?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eyes widened in horror he told her,” I left her alone! When Frozer attacked! And Syren! She could have died!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It would have been all my fault!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir frowned at her. “Wow. I didn’t expect you to agree with me <em>that</em> much, Marinette.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She glared at him and suddenly he was reminded of...Ladybug. “I’m glad you finally are starting to recognize all the stupid, careless things you’ve done because of your hurt feelings!” Her tone softened. “You can’t do anything to change what you’ve said in the past. And you shouldn’t meddle with time travel anyway.” She smiled to herself and he wondered what he was missing. Her bluebell eyes were on his again. “Just...remember your actions have consequences. Keeping your partner safe, saving Paris, being there for her and us is the best way you can make up for what you’ve done.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He stood up and smiled down at his friend, marveling at how wise she was. “You’re amazing. I know I keep saying that but it’s true.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette shook her head. “Not really. Is that how I seem to you? I guess I’m better at hiding my flaws than I thought.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wish you wouldn’t talk about one of my best friends like that.”  He wanted to hug her now but all of a sudden felt unsure of his boundaries. Would it make her uncomfortable? “With everything you’ve gone through, including having your heart broken, you’re still trying to be happy for him. Still helping this mangy cat.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She raised an eyebrow at him. “<em>Now</em> your trash-talking one of <em>my</em> best friends,” she told him. “Don’t put yourself down. The world tries to do that enough as it is.” She smiled and if his heart wasn’t taken, he’d be tempted to fall for this wonderful girl in front of him. “You know, I like seeing this side of you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chat Noir smirked. “The jackass side?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, I’ve seen that,” she laughed when he pouted. “No, the sensitive, serious Chat Noir. I’m glad to see there’s so much more to you than what you show the world.” She grimaced. “It’s better than the bad pun side.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey!” he started and she laughed again. He waited until she stopped then said. “My civilian life can be...bleak. Being Chat Noir, being a hero, that’s how I get to have fun and be...myself. Another side of me, anyway.” He rubbed his neck again. “I’m glad you like other sides me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I do.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And...I’ll try to be a bit more serious during akuma attacks. No promises.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wouldn’t ask you to.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He smiled and held out his arms. She stood and they hugged. It felt...comforting, like when he was little and his mom would hug him good morning. For a moment he wished he could come to her every day and be hugged for as long as he wanted.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She started to fidget and he reluctantly let her go. They smiled at each other awkwardly, both know they had to go.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know, I came over here to help you feel better but you ended up helping me. Again.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Marinette shrugged. “Sometimes it’s easier to focus on someone else’s problem and not your own. But...I do feel better.” She grinned up at him and for a moment she was the sweet cheerful girl she’d always been. “I’m going to hurt for awhile but there’s nothing for that but time.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I should...go now,” he told her.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Me too.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He gave her a final brief hug. “Good night, Marinette.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Good night, Chat Noir.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>                                                                                                                                                                *****</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The next time Chat Noir saw Ladybug on patrol he gave her a bouquet of purple hyacinths and daffodils, not quite sure how to say, “I’m a jackass” in flower.</p>
</div>
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